It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
