none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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