can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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