I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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