I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize