im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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