ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
