I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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