bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize