Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
