that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
