just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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