I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
