What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
