just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize