Soap is not a condiment
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
