You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
