Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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