oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I AM VODKA MAN
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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