I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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