I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
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