I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
