porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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