A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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