i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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