how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
