I am in a vortex of obligation.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the condom got lost in my hair
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
