I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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