your parents love me but you hate me
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
