kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
why is half of my head shaved?
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