I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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