We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
