I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
