its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
