she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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