Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
