My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize