Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
