I am spending my child support on dildos
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
