I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
