can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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