there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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