the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
