She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
