What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
