Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
