So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
