dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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