i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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