apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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