I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
