I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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