there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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