He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He better not be in your backpack
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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