talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
