first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
