I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just pynch a tree in the face
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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