haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
