I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
