After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
