I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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