I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize