Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
