two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
