It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
