she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
whose parrot is this?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
