Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
