Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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