Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize