you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
