why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
