She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
