If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize