Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
