since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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