Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize