girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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