some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
