what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
