question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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