You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
