these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
