I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
