still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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