what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
