I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
