I want to have your abortion
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
