nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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