We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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