You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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