I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
