I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
