we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
