is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize