I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This is classic penis vs brain.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
