I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
