The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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