I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
