She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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