we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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