I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
