So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
