I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
