I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
