I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize