i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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